Beyond Shame by Matthias Roberts

Author:Matthias Roberts [Roberts, Matthias]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-5064-5567-9
Publisher: Fortress Press
Published: 2019-11-30T16:00:00+00:00

Cutting Personhood

As a result of the failure of every major ex-gay “ministry” attempting to change people’s sexual orientation, many churches have now accepted that sexual orientation rarely, if ever, changes. But the guiding principle in many traditional churches is still to name all same-sex sexual and romantic activity as sinful. Many churches have adopted a “welcoming but not affirming” approach that requires queer people to take a vow of celibacy to stay within the good graces of church fellowship. This approach to queer people within church communities is wreaking havoc upon millions of lives.

Let’s be clear-eyed about what’s happening in the name of biblical “truth.” By holding firm to misinterpretations of Scripture that declare homosexuality as sinful, forced celibacy is peddled to sexual minorities as being God’s “best.” This form of celibacy often leads queer people to the opposite of relational flourishing; it leads to isolation, depression, and suicide.

There is something deeply wrong in a theological approach to queer people that denies them the possibility of intimate relationships. By not attending to the sacred specificity of sexual orientation—the relational wiring of sexual minorities—people within the church are pushing countless queer people toward death instead of life. Denying anyone, not just sexual minorities, the possibility of intimate relationship cuts them off from the potential of relational flourishing in two ways.

First, since the particularity of sexuality is a core part of our beings, and since we cannot box off just a portion of ourselves without affecting the whole, removing even the potential of intimate relationship begins the process of removing someone from their self. Sexuality is tied to our ability to love. When a particular sexual orientation is labeled as “bad,” that message is impossible to separate from an indictment of the person’s entire self. To say that your sexuality is disordered is to say that your capacity to give and receive relationship is disordered. Thus, the process of depersonalization begins.

Instead of leaning into your true self—the reality of your sexuality—a false self is constructed, which can take several forms. The most extreme form of the false self is attempting to adopt an identity that is different from reality. This was the goal of “ex-gay” ministries. Your false self can also be constructed by attempting to quell any and all sexual feelings and desire for relationship. Instead of fostering a healthy and integrated sexuality, this is forced asexuality, which causes a mind-body split and often results in unhealthy ways of managing your sexual feelings. No one can operate in a false self without dire consequences.

Cutting ourselves off from any potential of intimate relationship also cuts off our ability to understand and communicate with ourselves, because any such attempt is labeled as “bad” or “sinful.” In Christian households advocating this position to sexual-minority teenagers, the teenager has no choice but to operate out of a false self in any relationship. As philosophers and theologians point out, the moment a person begins suppressing their own truth and reality, true relationship ceases. Instead, a facsimile of relationship begins, with the queer person pretending to be someone they are not.

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